It has been some time since I blogged! A whole year to be exact. I am not sure if I have any followers who actually read my blog, nevertheless, I missed this place. I have always wanted to type something but I was not ready. Today I am.
This is my creative outlet and my connection station! I connect with my readers and use this place as a method of therapy too!
A whole year has passed since my last blog. Wow. Incredible. So many things have happened, so much growth so much life! A true blessing considering the world population is decreasing due to the pandemic and the devastating impact it had and is still having on the world.
Permit me to continue where I left off on 26 April 2020, where I told you how covid-19 has affected me and my thoughts on how to coped with it.
We all had to change our habits and routines over the past year, we all faced our own challenges and had to overcome so many personal difficulties in a time where we couldn’t have human interaction. The very essence of what we need, especially in time of difficulty.
I am so proud of myself and all of you for surviving this and waking up every day with the intention of getting through it to the next day. We did it and we continue to do it as we strive to survive this hideous nightmare and at the same time create a beautiful present existence and future.
A vital lesson I have learnt from all of this is self-growth and self-love, the fundamental core of our being and the inherent adaptability and skills we have to change ourselves is astonishingly incredible, it’s magic, it’s God given and wow, once you realise your potential you feel like a super human. Which you are. Keep reminding yourself of this.
Over the past year Paris has seen a few lockdowns, restrictions, curfews and a number of social distancing measures to keep us all safe. Death tolls fluctuated and vaccinations have been rolled out in a hurry. Slowly things are being less restricted, shops are opening up and people are slowly getting a sense of ‘normality’ back into their lives, but things will never be the same again and that is okay. We need to accept this and adapt with new ways of thinking and habits, which will become second nature to us and will be part of our growth.
Paris over the past year has been a suffocating prison for me. Full of destruction and deep pain. My personal life blown into tiny fragments that you couldn’t stick back together with the strongest of super glues. I was hit from all sides a never emptying barrel shooting at every aspect of my life and I saw others fall down with me and it broke me more watching them fall. It was destructive and brutally hard year with an imaginable continues pain.
Acknowledging it, accepting it and sitting with it was extremely challenging. But once you stay at rock bottom in the darkest coldest places for a long time, you suddenly look up and something so very very weak and tiny almost unnoticeable flicks. A miniscule switch is turned on, hope, survival, spiritual awakening or whatever it is jump starts you into a self-healing path and a reconstruction phase.
As you move your tired broken limps off the cold hard floor and start to slowly get up ever so slightly afraid that you do not have the energy to fully stand up, you slowly realise something, your heart is still beating, you are still alive and it was for a reason, something inside your chest starts whirling and your cold body starts to feel warmer. You are alive.
وَأَنَّهُ هُوَ أَمَاتَ وَأَحْيَا
And He who ordains death and life;
Quran Surah 53 An-Najim, Aya (verse) 44
Where there is destruction there is new life. You set tiny goals as tiny as relearning to breathe again, trusting that flicker that slowly allowed your eye lids to open again. Tiny goals become achievable, you set out slightly bigger ones and so on. You look at where you are and how you got there, accepting and processing it. You then look at the shattered pieces of you and your life that lays around you, you decide what to pick back up and what to leave behind, even if it hurts like a punch in the gut, you do it because you realise this is your only chance to create yourself a new as you want and how best it will be good for you. You realise you have been given a special golden ticket to start over with wisdom and experience and a new craving for betterness, growth and love. You realise this is self growth and love. This is self care and awakening. You are the only person living your life shouldn’t you dictate how it is lived? Isn’t it your right to make it a spectacular joyful one for you? Don’t you own it to that divine spark that awakened you to look after yourself?
The healing process starts. With it a very challenging twisting road unlike the pastel coloured, zen, white and ethereal music that is portrayed to us, sunsets over fields of barley of sunflowers, hands brushing nature etc etc … REAL healing is that of growth, un learning, accepting, researching, reaching out for help and advice, reconstructing, then deconstructing, clearing your mind, facing your trauma head on, facing your demons having a cup of tea with them and asking it to leave, sitting with your pain, dwelling in certain aspects, shifting mind sets and self-challenging. Healing is also self-discovery, new hobbies, stepping out of old comfort zones, creating healthy boundaries, asking yourself deep questions of what makes you, you? Declutter yourself and your house, declutter friends and remove toxic people and things and thoughts. Meditate, pray, breath, exercise, yoga and all sorts of way of connecting your inner self with that spark that gave you life.
Yes you will have dips and regressions but that is normal and what is vital is that you keep going and be self-loving and gentle with yourself. This was never easy and you were chosen because you can handle it, because you are an awesome strong beautiful being.
There are no ‘rest’ days, because every day is a loving day towards yourself and who wants to rest from love?
Rediscovering myself is scary. But I owe it to the divine power, the almighty that is forever loving me, even when I don’t think it. I owe it to my sweet boys, my legacy, showing them that their mum is full of strength and compassion for herself and others and that a true servant of Allah is one that has grace and love to others and himself. I walk on earth with humbleness but head held high and smile on my face knowing there are so many adventures out there and so much to see and so much to feel.
Woofsy magic is being upgraded baby !
You are an unstoppable force of nature xxx
This is wonderfully penned. I agree with you, the past year and the first half of this year has been crazy, and I often ponder if it was even real. But I’m glad we are moving towards normalcy, a new normal but I also hope and pray that we sit back and think and reflect upon things that truly matter, how happiness can be found in little things. Like you mention we have the ability to pick pieces of us and move forward 🙂 Also, the flowers blooming, purple and rose are perhaps signs that we are petit à petit emerging from darkness to un monde coloré.
Thank you for sharing this.
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